Before Marriage:
Husband - Aaah! .... At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!
After Marriage: read from the bottom to top.
-From Brett Osborn
Thursday, August 20, 2009
ONLY IN AMERICA
This took place in Charlotte North Carolina.
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART ....
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART ....
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Marriage humour
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
-------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
--------------------------------------------------------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
-------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
-------------------------------
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
--------------------------------------------------------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
-------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
Saturday, June 27, 2009
yes...Sardar.... aur koun ho sakta hai
1. Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
2 .How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on
other so the man asked him why did he do so?
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would
be
cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from
Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached
there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to
return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he
didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally
reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him
"Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and
said,"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear
banaate
hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"
5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!
6. Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes
to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
9. Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies
Yaar...!!!
10. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
11. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her,
" I LOVE U SISTER."
12. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.
13. Santa : That Cow has a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!
14. Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
2 .How do you recognize a Sardar in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on
other so the man asked him why did he do so?
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would
be
cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from
Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached
there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to
return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he
didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally
reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him
"Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and
said,"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear
banaate
hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"
5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!
6. Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes
to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
9. Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies
Yaar...!!!
10. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
11. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her,
" I LOVE U SISTER."
12. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.
13. Santa : That Cow has a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!
14. Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Strange !!!
On August 7 , 2009
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August
this year, the time and date will be
12:34:56 07/08/09
This will never happen again??!!!!
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August
this year, the time and date will be
12:34:56 07/08/09
This will never happen again??!!!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Santa Singh takes on Catholic faith
Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."
Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The neighbors called the Priest immediately and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised as a chicken, and you were raised as lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato"!
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."
Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The neighbors called the Priest immediately and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised as a chicken, and you were raised as lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato"!
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